our epic journey, to jack in the box

In Chicago, nearest Jack in the Box?

St. Louis. wtf. must have.


Thanks to everyone who helped and came. Lindsay, Jeff, Kate, Aubrey, Hashem.


We took the wrong interstate,

O SHIT WE FOUND A MAP,

CORN CORN CORN CORN,

me and aubrey sing oldies while hashem thinks we are on crack,

Took 24 to get back on 55....- holy shit towns with one road, holy shit AMISH STORE,

CORN CORN CORN Soybeans...

stupid roads named after trees... grrr,

got to ISU,

picked up hitchhiker- kate,

drove past torn down church... - people jogging... cant people walk anywhere anymore?,

Queue SLOWEST WALKER EVER stage left,

ISU: for education and nursing,

ate lunch at taco bell (BAJABLAST nom nom nom nom),

aubrey tells story of d&b bag extravaganza- hilarious btw, u feed kinda dirty afterwords,

KATE HAS ASHES BY PEPPER ON HER IPOD!,

found out most musicians i dont like begin with the letter J... james blunt, josh groban, john mayer... the list goes on, believe me,

drove to JACKINTHEBOX, holy shit Litchfield is the Fast Food Capital of the world. 2 block radius, JackintheBox McDonalds KFC BurgerKing RubyTuesdays TacoBell WTF WTF- yum yum

surprisingly many people come from chicago to go to jack in the box in litchfield, hey assholes i know you wanna bring me next time. yeah you know who you are, still, call me 808.391.8604

grant-sirloin steak burger- grilled onions, american cheese, curly fries, orange soda
hashem- ultimate cheeseburger, no ketchup/mustard. old fashioned way. curly fries, coke
Jeff-2 tacos, sirloin steak melt, regular fries, coke, buttermilk dressing w/ hot sauce mmmm
kate- jumbo jack, curly fries, drink
aubrey- chicken teriyaki bowl... interesting choice, good choice, strange tho

kate is in awe as jeff and i profess out undying love for jack in the box- more like horror than awe, we like to believe it was awe,

got to St.Louis,went to a dead club-Hashman got DENIED (see what happens when you dont have US ID?)

Homeless man denied access like hashem except cuz he dont got dress shoes... im wearing vans and a tshirt... tsk tsk.

went into this shady ass club,

dudes smokin weed in the bathroom,

0 people in the club,

found hashem whom we momentarily left with homeless man- hashem was checking out this horse...not cool,

LETS GO TO THE ADMIRAL,

Walked around near stinky horses,

HASHEM WANTS TO GO TO THE ADMIRAL,

Walked around near kids toking,

watched homeless man go bonkers @ bouncers,

went to DRUNKENFISH sushi bar-best sushi in st louis.... wtf are there any other sushi joints in st louis?- no,

sat @ bar waiting for table,

Jeff wants to sit at the decorative "model table" with teeny weenie chairs and no place to put a glass of water,

The girlies get a bowl- its like a fishbowl with maitais....

me and jeff split a nice big kirin ichiban,

WTF CHUCK LIDDELL IN WORLD SERIES OF POKER>?? WTF CHUCK LIDDELL WINS A HAND>>>>????

Jeff reminds me that when his MMA career takes off, never to fight Chuck Liddell... EVER.

get seated, waitress is little korean girl, enthusiastic, but lisp. fuck always the lisp. WHY WHY WHY.

Kate tells us the "mama" story, moral of the story: all black guys smoke weed.

1 kirin 2 rolls (spicy tuna roll-not bad, white tiger roll-very good...deepfried calamari rolled and topped with hamachi and unagi sauce mmmmm) later...

HASHEM STILL WANTS TO GO TO THE ADMIRAL,

whiny drunk girl is offended by the weather- 50s and clear btw, silly drunk girl- well dressed man makes snide comment about that girls intelligence, i acknowledge another intelligent life form,

Hashem gets denied @ casino,

IM ON A BOAT,

muthafucka... or thats what some guy in a Chrysler with rims said to some guy as we left the casino... wtf was up with that...,

See river, see car parked on bank of river, make joke about cars rolling into the river because people are retarded and dont know what a parking brake is,

joke that we should throw hashem into that car push it in the river and see if he can get out- we were all eager to do so after we couldnt go bar hopping b/c hashem isnt 21.

discussed if all glass spiderwebs instead of shards on vehicles- we still dont know the answer,

shit guess we are going back to chicago, at least its 10:40 and we can make it to jack in the box before midnight when they close, or so i thought,

Apparently the Admiral is a casino... not a strip club- we were all a little disappointed,

pissed in a parking lot- it was of legend, steady stream, at least 40 seconds- baja blast===>,

went to St Louis Arch, around, under, through, most prepositions suit what we did here,

shit its too late to get to jack in the box before it closes, oh well we will stop in litchfield for gas,

set land speed record, get to litchfield 2 minutes past midnight, jack in the box closes right then, BUT DRIVE THRU IS OPEN.

went to convenience store restroom, jack in the box employee respectfully waits for unirnal instead of standing at the one next to me, thx dood, ur cool cept u went on break to text people... slacker.

overzealous convenience store worker makes chit chat with kate as i walk out, she tells him admiral story, he wishes he would see her at an establishment much like the admiral- not the casino... then proceeds to crap pants as i walk out with her.

drive thru takes forever, they should outsource their drive thru, makes it quicker, they forget JUMBO JACK wtf.

go back around thru drive thru line and get said jumbo jack

leave Litchfield @ 12:35am

OK just so all you drivers know- the stretch from St Louis to Litchfield- THOUSANDS OF COPS. OMFG its like krispy kreme threw down a dozen every quarter mile. WTF PEOPLE. Slowing people like me down, im a good driver, i swear, good enough to dodge raccoons wanting McDonalds- thats a little later on...,

grrrr cops wtf wtf. EVERYWHERE, ok ok enough ranting,

Smell of jack in the box permeates vehicle, cream pants, has effect similar to hotboxing vehicle,

Hashem plays shitty music even tho hes supposed to keep me awake, apparently instrumental songs from movies keeps people awake... so this one time i went to see gods and generals... best 5 hour nap ever...,

Jeff- ... not conscious, whatever he drove here,

Kate- gleefully singing in the back- thanks, someone in the car who can and will sing

Aubrey- in and out of reality- your hair did me wonders- blocked the glare of cars behind me- seriously awesome, prevented me from using squinty eye technique- not so effective at night,

Hashem- OMFG Hashem is rocking out next to me.... what do i do... should i ignore it and risk exploding with laughter- yes, yes thats what ill do. I lost it during his dance rendition of Usher's Yeah!, laughing ensued, eyes glued shut, almost died. almost.

Jeff wakes up in 15 mile intervals reminding me to watch my speed as I use a red SUV as a pacecar and bait, thank you so much Mr. Pacecar. you got me from Litchfield to Peoria- shaved a good 35 minutes from the drive. contemplated throwing u a cheeseburger, withdrew contemplation... they are jack in the box cheeseburgers,

So nearing the end of the drive i think to myself ("what a wonderful world", in that raspy voice of course)... no but really, thank god i didnt run into any deer. as that thought crosses my mind, A FUCKING HUGE RACCOON RUNS ACROSS THE HIGHWAY TO MCDONALDS!!! so i wrote a two liner for out fuzzy little friend and his bravery in seeking out fast food, however far it is from where he lives,

"Upon driving back to IIT with food for Saagar,
we run across Ricky Raccoon playing interstate Frogger"

We stop to fill for gas so lindsay doesnt shit a brick when she uses her car this morning, jeff takes shotty, hashem rides bitch.

we coast into chicago tired, but satiated.

what a day.

~grant